Or the prudish.
Or anyone with taste, intellect and maturity beyond that of a pre-adolescent boy growing up in the '70s.
If you recall the Johnson-Smith Novelty Co. Horror Record sold in the backs of comic books for years:
... and if you remember sneaking, trading, reading and delighting in the ghoulishly gruesome comics put out by Eerie Publications in the '70s, not Eerie and Creepy (put out by Warren) but these titles:
... then this post is for your Inner '70s Monster Child's pure joy.
Jason Willis, the cool collector/sharer of Hallowe'en and horror vinyl and cassettes via his famously followed blog, Scar Stuff, has recently created an amazing animatic of the B-side 'story' from the Johnson-Smith record set to characters/scenes from numerous covers of those gory, bizarre, lurid magazines.
And HOLYyourmomwilltaketheseawayfromyou, did he do a fantastic job.
I want to warn you about visual content, because it's pretty dank and red and exploitative, but honestly? It's all so unbelievably over the top, so old school girl-is-always-the-victim, so clearly based on 'give me something to put on the cover so we can put out another title this month' shock-itude -- it's all just so outright bizarre! -- that I'm more concerned with the best resolution for your viewing pleasure than with offending anyone.
It's not for little kids. It's not for sensitive older kids. It's surely not for smart, mature, or easily offended grown ups.
It's pretty much just for damaged Horror Children from a specific era.
And it makes me smile bigly and hugely every time I watch it -- over and over.
Okay, seriously? The narrator sounds more like Criswell with each listen.
And what is the deal at 4:43... Frankie's torn off his own arm to use as a hammer to drive the stake into Drac's heart. What?!
Jason, it's all just perfect.
Makes me want to go to the Thrifty by my grade school, get a cup of Chocolate Nut Crunch and peruse the magazine aisle like I did so many times after school.