When you're exploring the goods and giggles of the retail Hallowe'en experience,
especially if you're chronicling the adventure for your Hallowe'en pub, you take a lot of pictures.
Funny items, stupid items, baffling items.
You take them all because you don't know which you'll use for the 'blog -- and because you just want your own proof that some manufacturer thought Gummi Brains filled with Bloody Candy Fluid was a good idea (ironically, though I use that as my example I do not actually
have a picture of that item, which can be found at Walgreens).
But there were a few things I noticed on our last trip for which I had no room to comment on our last installment, and I felt the need to tack this one on.
Does anyone else find the current trend in bland or baffling product names annoying (and disturbing)?
For example:
That's right, zoom in:
I mean, mummies are many things, but 'ominous'?
What's ominous about something that cannot move its hands?
The description is a bit nebulous.
Nebulous Mummy would be as good.
It's probably just as well -- most of the people shopping for it
out here would probably think 'ominous' meant
the mummy was Jewish or something.
Also, the word 'ominous' begins to look very strange
the more you look at it.
Forbidden Fabric. Really?
Forbidden!?
"Oooh, look at those windo--"
"HEY! That's illegal! You can't do that!"
The Verboten Valance.
Amazing.
A Giant Ambush Spiderweb.
Yes, 'ambush'... because you'd never see
that web coming.
Hanging, sure.
Creep, okay. Looks more like Oogie Boogie, but he
was kinda creepy too, so I'll go with that.
But... Possessed?
By what/whom? I see no little sixes,
no pea soup projectiles, no spinning heads.
It's a GHOST. Should've called it that.
I didn't get a shot of the actual hat, because it was simply a hard felt
set of different colored cowboy hats with sequined bands.
But 'Howdy Honey Hat' is just trashy.
"Howdy, honey! Buy me a beer/light my cig?"-kind-of-trashy.
Also, Howdy Honeyhat was a character from The Wacky Races, I think.
Probably the one dressed like a Hooters girl always wanting everyone to
buy her a beer and light her cigarettes.
First, why should comb over mean
Young Horshack Guy Poses Like Old Man
Who Must Be Bitter And Admonishing?
Also, I thought comb over was one word.
I guess my thick head of luxurious hair kept that
information from getting in.
Werewolf Howler Hands?
We tried a million ways to make these things howl.
Nothing.
Does this store want us to think they think werewolves are called
werewolf howlers?
Then comes a series of odd little things.
Things I actually like, and would enjoy handing out
to little ToTs, but the concepts are a bit weird.
Mice, rubber mice, plastic mice, fine.
Stretchy, though?
Still not as threatening as this:
Good God! That's a terrifying thought.
An army of stretchy frogs invading our cities!
Sorry, Frog Queen, but this is not as terrifying to me as
the army of stretchy frogs.
Still, it's a bit shivery.
I get that they're eyepatches with actual eyes on them.
Not too unclever, I suppose.
But what exactly is so 'zany' about the idea?
What kid would want it based on the term zany anyway?
I mean, who really uses that word for anything anymore?
Lastly, this time around, I have to emit a real bronx cheer for
this manufacturer so badly missing some easy, slam-dunk,
home run item naming opportunities...
God, come on!
They're Eeriasers!
Say it with me. That's right:
Possencils!
I can understand why they might have stayed away
from this one (had they thought of it, which I know
they didn't!), but seriously, these are
Boobles!
And if you go back up to the pic of the Stretchy Mice,
and look to the right, you'll see the blandly named
Fake Fangs.
Which should be called Fanks.
Yes, fanks.
You're welcome.
DDSPOSSENCILS!
